Duality
by Estrelle Buscador
Summary: After the events of 'Troq,' Starfire takes some time to herself to deal with what Val-Yor did to her, and to redefine who she is compared to what other people think she is. One-shot.


Greetings Readers!

This is my first attempt at a Teen Titans fanfic, so read at your own risk! This takes place after the episode 'Troq.' Starfire seems pretty accepting of what happened to her at the end of the episode, but I thought I'd try to get into her head and see what she was thinking. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, or any of its characters.

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It was only when night came, and the strangely golden Earth sun had dipped below the horizon that Starfire finally found herself alone. Given all that had happened with Val-Yor, her friends had seemed very hesitant to leave her alone. It was as though they had believed by nearly drowning her with an increased overflow of friendship, they could wash away the painful memories of the warrior. It hadn't worked.

Starfire had waited until the boys had gotten fully absorbed in an argument over the remote control and Raven had retreated into her latest book before clipping away to fly to the top of the tower's roof. She swung her long legs over the edge of the roof and let them dangle, leaning against the ledge. She took a deep breath of the salt air and let it out, letting the salt-laced breath fill her body with a soothing tingling. Although the ocean air had helped lighten her spirits a little, she could still feel the tightness of her face that came from hiding how much she had been hurt from her friends.

Almost without thinking, Starfire lifted her right hand and twisted her fingers slightly, causing a few spheres of green pulsing light to appear and begin to skim her fingertips. She gave a bittersweet, reminiscent smile, and began to twirl her fingers so that the balls began to spin around each other and dance into her palm. When she was a child back in Tamaran and was awakened by a nightmare, her nanny Galfore would come in to comfort her. He would create the small balls of light and juggle them to make her laugh and forget her fears. Now it didn't quite make her forget, but it helped.

_Troq – I don't __need__ help from a stupid Troq._

Starfire squeezed her eyes shut as a few angry tears seeped from underneath her eyelids and the movement of the spheres became more sporadic with the intensity of her emotions. With a slight huff of frustration, Starfire swiped her left forearm across her eyes; she did not want her friends to see her crying, not after she'd spent so long convincing them that she was fine.

_And I am, mostly,_ Starfire thought, _but I need to figure some things out before I can put it behind me._ She wouldn't have been able to among her friends – she'd barely been able to take it before. Robin had growled repeatedly under his breath and punched a clenched fist into his palm with increasing fervor, as though he imagined that he held Val-Yor's face in his hand. Beast Boy had hopped around her, alternatively trying to make her laugh with jokes she was certain wouldn't have made sense even if she understood Earth humor and calling Val-Yor a complete jerk. Cyborg had kept hovering over her and trying to start conversations about his own discriminations, probably so she wouldn't feel alone in his experience. Even Raven had offered her own form of consolation, her face showing genuine regret and compassion and her stiff stance relaxing ever so slightly. It was sweet of her friends and she appreciated it – but they just made the cacophony in her mind that much more jumbled. And that was why usually social Starfire had chosen to isolate herself for the time being.

_If I had known, I would have never let it happen – None of us would._

"I know," she sighed resignedly into the wind, her whisper nearly drowned out in the crash of the waves below. She knew it and appreciated it, but it did her no good now. Even their self-recrimination about not seeing through Val-Yor didn't make her feel any better. As she'd tried to tell them, she hadn't been any better. She'd also been taken in by his proud stature, his confident tone, his admirable flying and fighting abilities. It was only through his yell at her after she apologized for nearly setting off the weapon when he'd yelled that poisonous word that she'd realized what he was: a corroded, prejudiced man with a mind so narrow a _glufnog_ couldn't squeeze through.

_This looks like a job for you, Troqqie. Your people can withstand the hostile conditions of space._

His words did not matter – only the words of people who looked beyond appearances and stereotypes mattered. But they still stung.

The spheres, which had slowed to a smooth, slow rotation as Starfire had reflected on her friends, began to speed up in her remembered anger, crashing into each other and spinning so fast they sent green sparks onto her skin. In surprise more than in pain, her eyes popped open and she let the balls dissipate into nothingness before folding her hands together and leaning her chin on them. It was just fortunate that the day had ended on a somewhat triumphant rate: the Locrix were gone and could no longer threaten other planets. At least those words he had spoken had been truth; Stafire could remember council meetings back on Tamaran where her father's councilors had discussed the potential threat of the other race, only to dismiss the fears as they never seemed interested in Tamaran itself.

Starfire sighed again. _I miss Tamaran._ Maybe she just wanted to put to rest the untrue things that Val-Yor believed about her people, but at the moment she wanted to see her people so badly it hurt. _We are a warrior people,_ she reminded herself, _but we are not savages. We are just…different._

_Like me._ She curled her legs up from the ledge to press into her body. _I am not even sure who I am anymore. I am not just a Tamaranean anymore, and I could not be a person of Earth fully if I tried – so who am I?_

She wasn't the uncultured savage Val-Yor thought she was, and she wasn't the naïve alien that her friends probably thought she was. Maybe she acted a little naïve, but she was trying to adjust to an entire planet that was completely new to her, but fortunately she found it absolutely fascinating.

Still, it was frustrating to be treated as though she was brainless. Val-Yor had treated her like a drooling idiot, but he hadn't been the first to underestimate her. There were the shopkeepers who had tried charging her unnecessary amounts of money for clothes and sometimes succeeding because she occasionally misunderstood the comparative values of money. There were the creepy men who hung around her when she ran errands without the team and leered at her body, trying cheesy pick-up lines to get her close to them. She didn't have a good grasp on Earth slang, but she could read their eyes and it was all she could do to keep from blasting them at least fifty feet away with a well-placed starbolt. And there was her sister.

The usual potent mixture of irritation and sorrow filled her as she thought of her sister. It made little or no sense to her that she still loved her sister, but she did. That made Blackfire's treatment of her all the more painful. She mocked her for holding back in fights, sneered at her for being innocent and generally laughed at her. Personally, Starfire thought Blackfire was wrong for thinking she was weak for being the way she was – she wasn't stupid for trying to look on the better side. It took more strength.

She had been stolen from her home planet by slavers, and only by her fists and her friends was she able to escape. She had nearly been arrested for her sister's crimes and still managed to forgive Blackfire. She had been victorious and been beaten, bruised and betrayed. She had lost friends in the fight to keep the planet safe. And through all of that, she could still smile when she awoke and be amazed by the wonders of the Earth. It wasn't some mask she posted on her face to fool her friends – the awe and enthusiasm for the ways of the planet that occasionally made her look ditzy was completely genuine.

She was optimistic, not naïve. She was seasoned, but still innocent. She was peaceful, but a powerful warrior. She was stronger than she looked.

_But __what__ does that make me? _Starfire wondered curiously to herself.

She couldn't call herself simply a Tamaranean, not anymore, not after all she'd been through on Earth. She would never be a person of Earth. And she certainly was not a troq. So what was she?

"Starfire!"

Starfire lifted her head from her contemplative gaze of the seat and looked over at the stairwell at the edge of the tower. A small smile spread across her lips as she saw Robin approaching, a concerned look on his face, with her other friends following closely behind. Her smile broadened as she waved an arm at them. "Hello, friends! Is there any trouble?"

"No," Robin replied as he walked up to her. He began rubbing the back of his neck in an adorably embarrassed way. "We just wanted…to make sure…you're okay."

She got to her feet and faced them. "Yes, I am fine. Thank you."

Robin grinned, "Good."

"So…" everyone turned to look at Raven, "do you want to go for pizza, Starfire?"

The offer, coming from Raven, was decidedly out of character, and the other Titans looked questioningly at her. She simply raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Starfire's face lit up and she flew over to her. "Oh, thank you, friend Raven!" She squeezed the more serious girl into a strangling hug. "I would love to!"

Raven didn't hug back – it wasn't her way – but she didn't pull away or grimace, and that spoke volumes. The others grinned, and Robin was about to head towards the stairs in search of pizza when the communicator began buzzing. In an automatic gesture, the eased smile slid off his face to be replaced with a focused stare as he looked down at the communicator.

"Sorry," he told the others, snapping the communicator closed, "but the pizza will have to wait. Mad Mod's causing trouble downtown – let's go!"

The Titans rushed for the stairs, but Starfire hesitated for a moment to look back at the sea. Robin poked his head out of the stairwell, looking impatient but concerned. "Starfire, you coming?"

She looked over at him and grinned. "Yes, I'm coming."

Now she knew what she was. She wasn't just Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran. She wasn't just Starfire, visitor to Earth. She was a Teen Titan.

And there was no one who could bring her down.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this!

Thanks for reading, and please review to let me know what you think!


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